The Tales of Flashover House – Christmas

Our Editor who says that it’s been quite some time since he had news of the goings on at Flashover House has approached me. Indeed it there ever was anybody who needed watching it is them. As I speak the lorry from M1CYF has just departed having deposited whole load mistletoe on the drive and already Lolita Bagshaw is stomping up the drive to road test the goods. But we were hoping to keep it secret because we had decided that this year we wouldn’t invite the ladies from down the road in view of the havoc they caused when were last here.

But Lolita as usual seems to have her own plan. We have discovered on one or two occasions she’s been hanging around the back door and that a cat flap (for which Henry had been in use as a template) has appeared when for so many years resident cat had managed so well without one. Surely she can’t be expecting to get in that way. But on the other hand with her you never can tell. She seems to spend an awful I lot of time planning such escapades and from our undercover agent we understand and that the enlarging of the cat flap is intended to facilitate her surreptitious entry. On close examination a start on the heavy work, using a keyhole saw has already been made. When she will get away with this only time will tell.

Over in the corner Matron is making the Christmas pudding. It was going along quite well until, and I don’t know how it happened but she accidentally put an Oxo cube in it, and it’s a bit of a funny colour now. Angus away from Matron’s hearing had likened it to the battlefield on the Somme. What it will taste like of course is anybody’s guess.

In yet another corner of the house Rees Morgan is polishing his tuning fork. We have a horrible suspicion that lie may be going to form a choir. It us been said that as you pass along the path of life you will meet many, many Welshman who can’t sing, but you will never meet one that doesn’t!

Angus is looking fig a bit on the morose side, he regards the forthcoming festivities with some suspicion because he has horrible memories of a Christmas about ten years ago when he accidentally gave half a crown to a carol Singer.

You would think with all this goodwill about there wasn’t a cloud the sky. But unfortunately there was one and it was one lurking not very far away in the shape of McGonagall who, you will no doubt remember has doubtful sobriquet of being the world’s worst Poet. He has this habit of turning up at the most inopportune times to give us the fruits of his skill; and they are not always appreciated. You must bear in mind that this is the man who almost single handedly, destroyed the Tay Bridge. He indeed has a rare talent. He burst in the French windows and grasped Matron with a furious hug.

Oh Matron fine,

I stand in line,

Be mine be mine.

Her reply was not so poetic. “Get off! Get off! You great loon.”

McGonagall ignored all this and turned to G2 who has plenty the type of dignity and bearing that leads people to suppose he is in charge. “OK Jim. I’ll have the same room as before. Get me a hot water bottle will you, I’ve had a hard day.”

Anyone with a sharp eye might have noticed there was a trickle of people leaving the back gate of Flashover House and making their way down the road to Slipstitch House gaining admission and disappearing form view. I suppose they had realised after all that there were worse things than Lolita Bagshaw!

–THE END–

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