The Tales of Flashover House – The Cure

There was no doubt about it, Matron was not very well. She got up as usual and started the early morning jobs, but she had to give in and take to her bed. She told G2 who wasted no time in sending for the doctor. When the GP arrived he quickly diagnosed that she was suffering from that well known disease, “ The virus that’s going about’’ and told her to rest for a couple of days. G2 phoned Head Office to see if they could send a substitute carer.

They were sympathetic but unhelpful. “Could the residents fend for themselves for a while?” The hams held an emergency meeting and did what everyone does in a crisis. Thev formed a sub-committee. G2 went to break the news to Matron who was finding it difficult to be optimistic. As he was trying to persuade all would be well, the door opened and a figure in a white coat sidled into the room.  “Ah” said G2, “allow me to introduce your attendant for the day. Nurse Weasel”. Matron cringed back in horror.

‘‘Don’t worry my dear,” said Weasel.  “Just you relax and take it easy. I will be along present to give you a nice blanket bath”. “Over my dead body” laughed Matron. “Have it your own way“, said Weasel “but you must agree it was well worth a try”. Just then a third visitor entered the room. “Here is our chef. Mr. Angus” said G2. “What have we on the menu today?”

“I was wondering if could if I could tempt Madam with a nice haggis and yoghurt fondant.” “Not unless you would like me to be sick on the carpet.” groaned Matron “I could do with a nice slice of toast though. I assume you know how to make toast” “No problem!” said Angus, “I have watched you do it many times. You set fire to a slice of bread until the smoke alarm in the corridor goes oil then you disguise the black bits with thick margarine.”

“Come on,” said G2.  “Let’s leave Matron to rest.” Before you go,” said Matron, “do you think you could get someone to run the vacuum cleaner over the carpet in the lounge?” “All taken care of,” said 02, “Harbottle has it in hand.”

“I can’t hear the cleaner.” said Matron.“Well no, he says there is something wrong with it. he has it all to pieces on the dining room table.”

“Does he know anything about vacuum cleaners?”

“No, but he knows all about lawn mowers – and he says they are very similar.” “I hope he isn’t scratching the table.”

“We thought about that so we left the table cloth on.” “Oh my God.” moaned Matron taking refuge under the bed-clothes. At this point G2 returned to the lounge where one of the G4s was giving Rees Morgan a hard time. “I thought you would have used your influence to get your friend Jill Dando to come and look after us.”

“Well,” said Rees Morgan, “there has been a development as regards Miss Dando. She has become infatuated with me to such an extent that I have had to put a stop to it. I explained to her that, in future, she will have to share me with Anne Gregg. This caused her to pout and stamp her foot but what can I do? There just isn’t enough of me to go round.”

In the late afternoon G2 tiptoed into Matron’s room for a progress report. He found her much improved. She was slightly concerned however, that she had not been able to do the hand wash of the previous days undies. “Don’t worry.’ said G2 .“ I have got one of the G4s on the job. He has done very well but lie has overdone it a little with the starch. “If he has starched the pants you won’t be able to sit down.” laughed Matron. “I don’t know what you are laughing for.’ said G2 “He has starched yours as well”

G2 left Matron with the firm conviction that, in her absence, her little empire was king laid waste by barbarian hordes. This caused her to stage a lightning recover. She left her sick-room and her first impression was that things were not at all bad. As a matter of fact things could not have been better. The smoke alarm was riot sounding, here was no dismantled vacuum cleaner on the table, the beautifully laundered underwear was not starched, and the whole place shone like a new pin. She noticed also that the table was set for dinner and there was an appetising smell coming from the kitchen.

She looked round at the smiling faces. “You have been having me on haven’t you? All these stories of disaster, I should have known better than to have believed you. There are times when I am convinced that l am surrounded by a group of very naughty boys, but there are also times, and this is one of them, when I wouldn’t change places with anyone in the world. Make the most of that last sentence because you may never hear it again. Right then, lets see what sort cooks you are!’

Return to the index of Vital Spark articles.

G3MGQ’s Month on the Air

Prepared by the clubs RSGB trainer, G3MGQ, you will find the latest DX contests including the ones to shoot for as well as ones to give a wide berth. Why not download the latest edition of Month on the Air and enjoy your DX just that little bit more.

Become a member of HERC

Join the Hastings Electronics and Radio Club.

Why not join one of the largest and most established Radio clubs in the South East of England? Very low joining cost, and free for a year to new licencees.

Vital Spark Archive

Vital Spark newsletter articles

Take a look through a large selection of articles written by club members over the years which have been published in the monthly Vital Spark newsletter .

Used Ham Radio Equipment

View HERC's Used Ham Radio Equipment for sale list..

Every four weeks, HERC's Used Ham Radio Equipment for sale list is updated on the site. Bookmark the gear for sale page to re-visit easily and take advantage of the used equipment on sale through the club.

Club Photographs

HERC Image Galleries.

Here is the official HERC photograph archive which contains multiple image galleries spanning several decades since the club was formed many years ago. Enjoy the images!

UK Amateur Radio Repeaters

UK repeaters

Click button above for full list, or a local repeater callsign below for info.

GB3EB 2m in Uckfield- Active
MB6EB 2m DStar Node in Eastbourne - Active
MB6RY Wires-X DigiGate in Broad Oak - Active
GB3HE 70cm in Hastings - Active
GB7HE 70cm DStar in Hastings - Coming soon
GB3ZX 70cm in Eastbourne - Low Power
GB3JT 23cm ATV in Hastings - NoV cleared
GB7RY 70cm X-Wires Repeater Rye - Active
GB7ES Eastbourne - DSTAR Rpt. - Active
GB3ES 2m in Hastings - Active

For a complete list of repeaters, head over to
the UK Amateur Radio repeaters list.

Popular pages

Get your amateur radio licence - Find out more about amateur radio licence training.
Month on the Air - G3MGQ's popular monthly DX contest/expedition list.
Wilf Gaye Memorial Cup - The clubs annual operating event in the memory of Wilf Gaye M0GYE.
St. Richard's College Buildathon/STEM/ARISS - HERC attends St. Richard's Catholic College for their various events surrounding the Tim Peake ARISS contact.
G3BDQ - John Hey's Rare QSL Cards.
Sussex Electronics Radio Fair - SERF Sussex Electronics Radio Fair 2016.
Vital Spark - A selection of articles re-published from the Vital Spark.
RSGB News - Find out how to get RSGB news on your mobile or PC.
Experimenters Corner - A selection of Proteus projects by Bob Gornal (G7DME)
BBADL - Bath Based Distance Learning Course.
Conquest Hospital Radio - Presented by HERC member Antony (G4CUS).
Radio Rallies 2016 - An up to date list of radio rallies scheduled for 2016.
Club QSL Cards - A selection of QSL cards the club has received over the years.
Other Newsletters - Excellent newsletters and magazines from other clubs.
TX Factor episodes - Take a look at the TX Factors YouTube videos.
John Taplin - A bio of the late John Taplin.

Amateur Radio Resources

Other Radio Clubs & RAYNET

BSARS - Brede Steam Amateur Radio Society

RAYNET - The Hastings and Rother RAYNET Group.

HERC members sites

Sigord - Gordon Sweet
Hastings Radio Comms - Andrew Haas-Campbell
Hoofbags - Liz Costa