The Tales of Flashover House – The Entertainers

Matron was sifting through the early morning mail but one item was causing her some difficulty.

Got a problem?’ enquired Weasel, who was always willing to poke his nose in.

“Yes,” said Matron “I have a strange letter from some organisation calling the themselves CEFOG.”

‘That sounds like something nasty that happens on the Dogger Bank” laughed Weasel. “No. this is not sea fog” aid Matron. “The letters CEFOG stand for Cultural Enlightenment For Old Gentlemen. They are a group of retired entertainers who visit retirement homes to spread gloom among the residents.”

‘That sounds a bit like ENSA, Every night something awful,” chipped in Angus harking back to his army days ‘Anyway,” said Matron “They have sent us a list of their members so that we may choose who we would like to see.”

“I wonder” started Rees Morgan, but he got no further “No” said Matron “I can put your mind to rest. Jill Dando’s name is not on the list. I am afraid that you are doomed to a life of unrequited lechery.”

“Read out the list Matron,” said G2 sounding slightly interested, “There might be something good.”

“OK,” said Matron “Top of the list is Marvo the stammering fire eater but we don’t want him he might set fire to the curtains. The second one doesn’t sound very promising either. It is Madam Gloria and her performing doves. If they perform anything like our local seagulls we could well lose the carpet. Do you want to hear any more?”

“Yes please,” said Weasel, “I have a feeling that these are my kind of people.”

“Here we go again“, laughed Matron” but I warn you, things don’t get any better. The next in the hall of fame is Perigrine Sears Montague baritone. He specialises in ballads of Victoriana. I can remember we had one of these baritones to perform for us at the last place I worked. He started to sing ‘Come into the garden Maud’ but he appeared to have some difficulty unlatching the gate because he flung wide his arms and gave the porcelain effigy of the dog Fido who was standing on the mantelpiece his first flying lesson.

“This brings us to the Great Bellini master of the trapeze but I can see a snag here. He will require us to attach two 8 inch ring-bolts to the ceiling.”

“We’re not having very much luck are we? Is there not a choir?”

“Sorry no,” said Matron but there is something here which may interest Angus. Fergus Mc Gasp the underwater bagpiper.”“Brave foolish laddie.” muttered Angus

There was an interesting speciality act on offer, Crazy Sid who juggles with three mills bombs while removing the pins with his teeth, but they decided not to bother with that on health grounds.

One of the last items on the list was the Reckless Brothers billed as “Thrills and Spills on a tandem” but Matron thought they might scratch the sideboard. They dismissed out of hand the doubtful charms of Cuthbert the singing rhinoceros then, at the end of the list, was the swinging harmonica of Reg Oglethorpe and surely you can’t go wrong with a mouth organ and so they signed him up right away.

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Popular pages

Get your amateur radio licence - Find out more about amateur radio licence training.
Month on the Air - G3MGQ's popular monthly DX contest/expedition list.
Wilf Gaye Memorial Cup - The clubs annual operating event in the memory of Wilf Gaye M0GYE.
St. Richard's College Buildathon/STEM/ARISS - HERC attends St. Richard's Catholic College for their various events surrounding the Tim Peake ARISS contact.
G3BDQ - John Hey's Rare QSL Cards.
Sussex Electronics Radio Fair - SERF Sussex Electronics Radio Fair 2016.
Vital Spark - A selection of articles re-published from the Vital Spark.
RSGB News - Find out how to get RSGB news on your mobile or PC.
Experimenters Corner - A selection of Proteus projects by Bob Gornal (G7DME)
BBADL - Bath Based Distance Learning Course.
Conquest Hospital Radio - Presented by HERC member Antony (G4CUS).
Radio Rallies 2016 - An up to date list of radio rallies scheduled for 2016.
Club QSL Cards - A selection of QSL cards the club has received over the years.
Other Newsletters - Excellent newsletters and magazines from other clubs.
TX Factor episodes - Take a look at the TX Factors YouTube videos.
John Taplin - A bio of the late John Taplin.

Amateur Radio Resources

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RAYNET - The Hastings and Rother RAYNET Group.

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