The Tales of Flashover House – The Inheritance

Angus was, reading his correspondence and. judging by the grunts coming from his chair, he was more than a little perplexed.

“Bad news from home, is it?” enquired Rees Morgan. “No, not really.” said Angus “just you
listen to this.”

‘Dear Sir,

As the executors of the estate of the late Fergus Mc Hoots, we have been making far-reaching enquiries regarding his estate, and it is our pleasure to inform you that you are the rightful Laird of Inversnookie.

Will you please attend our Edinburgh office at your earliest convenience so that we may acquaint you of your inheritance.

Yours Faithfully,

Shyster and Scrote.’


By this time a crowd of the hams, who had eavesdropping, gathered round and the excitement was intense. After all it wasn’t every day that they were in the presence of a real live Laird.

“I expect you will have to live in one of those Scottish castles.” said a G4 “and there is bound to be a grouse moor.”

“Well one thing Is for certain.” said Matron. “You will have to go up there and look the place over. Don’t forget to send us a photograph of you in your kilt. I’ve always wondered what your knees are like.”

“Shameless hussy.” laughed Angus “But seriously though, please keep my room for a couple of weeks just in case.”

A day or two later, Angus was off to inspect his new found riches. They were going to miss him but he promised daily skeds on 😯 meters. As he pointed out if Castle lnversnookie was one of those granite piles with parapets it would be just right for all-band dipoles.

They didn’t expect to hear from him right away. No doubt he would be fully occupied with licking his bailiffs and gillies into shape, and putting the fear of God into his tenant farmers, but what they were not prepared for was his sudden appearance on the doorstep of Flashover House. He was what is known in the trade as crestfallen. The residents helped him to a seat in the lounge and Invited him to bare his soul.

“Well,” said Angus “I went to these solicitors in Edinburgh, and they gave me the key to Castle lnversnookle. As I approached the place I had misgivings. It wasn’t much of a castle, in fact it would have made a very unsatisfactory council house. When I let myself in, I was depressed by the bareness of the place.”

“Were there no portraits of your ancestors on the walls?” asked, a G3 who was a stickler for tradition.

“No,” said Angus. “The only thing on the wall was a front page of the Radio Times bearing a photograph of Jill Dando.

“Bravo!” shouted Rees Morgan, but no one took any notice.

“I was just trying to make myself comfortable” continued Angus, “when I saw a crowd of people gathering by the front door. I took This to be a spontaneous expression of loyalty but unfortunately, it turned out to be a group of local tradesmen all waving overdue bills. I fobbed them off with promises of payment In the future and prepared myself for bed.”

“Was there a lone piper playing a lament on the battlements?” said the G3 still trying to come to terms with correctness

“No” said Angus. “The nearest we came to that was when the kid from next door played his mouth organ on the roof. There was something which would pass for a lament though when he got his foot fast in the guttering.

“This had been a pretty miserable day so I went to bed, and almost immediately fell asleep. Then, just after midnight, I awoke to the sound of breaking glass. I flung open the door and on the doorstep, was a vindictive looking client picking his teeth with a claymore “What do you think you are doing!” I shouted.

“I am from the clan McRotter” he replied “and I have come to renew the family feud. You know the sort of thing. I break your window and then you come round to my place and let the wind out of my tyres, and so on. It’s been going on for hundreds of years.”

“Well, it’s not going on for a minute longer!” I said, !and, grabbing my bag, I made my way to the nearest railway station and civilisation”.

“So all in all” said Rees Morgan “It looks like the return of the prodigal Laird”.

“I’m Sony we haven’t a failed calf in the larder at the moment.” said Matron “But I am sure there is some of yesterday’s treacle pudding left.”

“Wheel it on.” said Angus.

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