The Tales of Flashover House – The Millenium Again

“It looms and we have do something about it” said Matron, addressing the half asleep figures in the lounge. “Do something about what”. It was quite clear that the question had not fully understood the question.

“The Millennium of course” said Matron. “All the other organisations in the town are making their plans. But you lot just sit there.”. “What are all these people doing?” said Angus becoming slightly interested.

“Well, for a start” said Matron “Those lively lads at the Conservative Club are planning a snoring marathon. I heard one of their rehearsals the other day and a little more work on their resonance will make them a force to be reckoned with”

“Our good Fiends at Slipstitch House are not being left out of it either My spies tell me that they are knitting a thirty-foot tea cosy in the shape of the Royal Albert Hall.” “I think I can detect the sinister hand of that awful Bagshaw woman.” muttered Reece Morgan.

“Well you would be wrong” Matron said. “Lolita Bagshaw has a project all of her own. She is organising an exhibition entitled British Corsets Through the Ages and at the millennium time she wilt cartwheel down the High Street in a 1921 Spirella.” “What we want” said Reece Morgan and Angus talking together”. Matron cut them short. “Oh no you don’t. I’ve had enough Welsh choirs and drunken bagpipers falling off battlements to last me a life time”

At this stage G2 stood up and dusted the crumbs from the front of his waistcoat, which meant that lie was about to speak. “What we need on this auspicious occasion is to send a message to all the people of the world telling them how much we love them.” “I don’t love the milkman” whispered Weasel.

“Ok then,” said G2 “All the people in the world except the milkman”. “That’s more like it,” said Weasel. “But how are we going to pass this “Message of Love” to all the people ii, the world?” “Look around you,” said G2. “The place is crammed with wireless transmitters. How many do think we can rustle up between us.”

“At a quick guess, about fifty” chipped in Matron. “I ought to know I dust the blasted things every day.”

“There we are then,” said G2. “We’ll take all the sets into the lounge and fix them up. We have plenty of wire, adaptors, plugs and sockets so we shouldn’t have any trouble. We shall be ready on the great day waiting for the signal from Big Ben. We will all go into transmit mode and pass our message to people all over the world.”

Most of the Hams were not wholeheartedly in favour of this scheme but in such matters G2’s word was law. They therefore obediently went upstairs and from all directions collected the equipment needed together with all the necessary bits and pieces.

During the next few days Flashover house looked more like a minefield than a rest home. The Hams dragged out their electronic death traps and long lost crocodile clips that came from, hiding places in darkened corners and at zero hour switches were thrown. The floor began to vibrate beneath their feet and in no time messages dripping with insincerity were bombarding the airwaves. Things were going quite well in fact but all of a sudden they were plunged into darkness.

Angus staggered through the gloom to investigate and they heard his excited voice. “I have never seen anything like it,” he cried. “The whole place is in total darkness apart from, one brilliant yellow light. It must be the glow from the Millennium star. Come and look chaps.” “Millennium star my foot” shouted Rees Morgan. “I knew this would happen. The fuse box has melted and the sub-station down the road is on fire. We had better make ourselves scarce.

At that point there was a piercing shriek came from the direction of the High Street and the cart wheeling figure of Lolita Bagshaw plunged through the murk at top speed. Unfortunately, the Spirella 1921 which had always been prone to speed wobbles and to the embarrassing sound of creaking whalebone stays, collided with a carelessly parked mobile chip shop. Then in the distance the sound of emergency vehicles with their sirens blasting came ever closer.

“What can we do?” shouted Weasel in panic. “They’ll lock us all up”. “I have an idea said G2. If we go a few yards down the road to the back door of the Conservative club the marathon snoring session is in full swing we can sneak in at the back and join it. Nobody will ever think of looking for us there.”

“Ah laddie,” said Angus. “That’s just what we’re looking for, but what about Matron?” “Don’t worry about me,” said Matron. “I will go and see whether I can free Lolita from her corset. I will see you later.”

And so it was. The Hams hid in the Conservative Club, they were not detected and as daylight came they emerged to return to Flashover House. As they did so they heard the sound of an altercation and one of them went to investigate. It was Lolita Bagshaw being apprehended by a young constable on a charge of indecent exposure, the first of the new millennium. So, as G2 pointed out, perhaps the night wasn’t wasted after all. There were all the signs that they had had a very sleepless night, but none that they knew anything about what was going on.

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